Community

my church. chad, a previous tattoo artist, used to do graffiti illegally.
as the cops drove by he felt odd that he was using his gift to beautify his church.

I don't think I knew the real definition of community until I moved to Nashville. Now this is what I know to be community:

throwing a huge party every few months for the community

seeing a 60-year-old woman get baptized for the first time after a life of hardship

pooling money to pay for daycare for a friend

having tornado parties in our basement 

meeting over coffee for conversations focused on Him 

showering women from the mission with love on valentine's day

having a small family that I have earth shattering conversations with every tuesday

making coffee and setting up communion every week for my family

nine people baptized on one sunday

your pastor weeping with joy and unable to speak after witnessing baptism 

having a child write math problems in sharpy all over your backseat and then taking him to the preds game the next week

sobbing in front of your pastor and his wife during a moment of darkness 

having random guests show up to our house daily 

seeing a precious baby grow up when you held her in the hospital

showing up unannounced to your pastor's house and staying for hours

looking around you and seeing people from all walks of life

meeting with a pregnant mom to help her with her gestational diabetes meal planning

having boy friends come over to watch jane austen movies

feeling like you could say anything and they would love you anyway

seeing the young reach out to the old and the old to the young

knowing the deepest secrets of your brothers and sisters and seeing them as Jesus does

being asked if you want to be prayed for by a stranger

investment and intentionality in relationships

being comfortable to be yourself around these people more than anyone

fighting in prayer for each others family

the poor wrecking the perception of the rich

doing life, not just sundays with an amazing God-fearing group

...and talking about the Lord all the way through

These thoughts are brought to you by sitting at my community group outside tonight and tears welling up in my eyes knowing that I have found a picture of heaven on earth. This is community:

faith like a child

at my work, there aren't many men. out of about thirty people, there are two men. but these men are absolutely precious. one is an older Indian(dot not feather) man and Ed, a 24-year-old man with aspergers, a mild form of autism. I tell you this background to preface my story...

everyday, sweet Ed comes into my office, shakes my hand, and asks me how my day is going. somedays I will shamefully admit, I get annoyed with him. other days, he makes my heart leap. today was one of those days.

Ed walks into my office trying to sell me some candy that another co-worker but him up to for her child's school fundraiser-he is an amazing salesman. :) we did our usual shpea. he asked me how my day was. I asked him how his new job was(he was recently moved from a front clerk position to an outreach job entering shot records into our computer database.

today his answer to my question about his new position was a bit different. he said, "well, lauren, have you seen the movies facing the giants?" I said yes. he said, "well I never would have learned this had it not been for that movie." I said learned what? he proceeded to tell me that he learned that no matter what job you are doing that you should give it your all and do your best. then, he said, "and if I fail, I will praise him, and if I succeed, I will praise him. But, no matter what, I will give it my all." He repeated himself once more by saying, "I never would have known this without seeing facing the giants." my reply was something about how great I thought that outlook on work was.

but wait, there is more. then, sweet Ed sees the book I am reading on my desk. he says the title of the book out loud, "have a little faith." then he says, "you know lauren, that book is right. did you know that with just a little faith you can ask a mountain to move out of your way and it will?" I  said you are so right Ed. he said, "Yep, you can wipe that mountain down to the sea with just a little faith."

Ed. he is a beautiful picture of the child-like faith and simplicity that I so desire, but allow the worries of the world to cloud. the Lord uses the most basic conversations to remind me of Him. of the purpose. of faith. of trust.

today I am thankful for Ed and his sweet spirit that is completely sold out, without a shadow of a doubt on His creator and sustainer. I know he could move any mountain.

never a dull moment

soo, my job. everyday I am guaranteed: to have a surprise, to practice spanglish, to use my arms in an "ape-like" fashion to signify too much weight gain, to be attacked as I exit my office by someone saying, "excuse me, ma'am," to counsel a minimum of three different ethnic groups. there is really not a dull moment.

lately, I have been rocking some of my parents' worlds by offering simple advice. we sometimes take for granted things that seem like common sense to "most" people. let me offer you some examples: you should brush your teeth daily, it is bad for your teeth if you eat candy and drink soda everyday, it is not appropriate for your two-year-old to stay up until 3:00 am on the computer, you should not chew food up in your mouth and then feed it to your child, you are the parent and your child should not tell you what to do and my personal favorite-it is okay if your child cries when you don't give them exactly what they want (the response to this one, "oh no ma'am. it is bad for him to cry. he will get sick.")

it blows my mind the response to my advice. it is usually something like, "I had no idea. thank you so much doctor." yep, that's right. in case you didn't know, I am now a doctor.

all of these examples make my job look a bit like a joke but these are just the ones that make me laugh. there are many instances when I feel the Lord is telling me this is exactly where he wants me. like today when I talked to a mom for an hour about her child that was failure to thrive. these are my favorite moments. the moments when i realize why i went to school. why i am where i am.

i would be lying if I said that I am completely content with my job every second of every day. i have a pretty incredible case of wander lust most of the time. always waiting for the next thing. place to move. people to meet. what i am learning now is: our God is not a circumstantial God. whether here or there. married or single. alone or surrounded. clothed or naked. content or discontent. beneath shelter or in the pouring rain. He is in me and using me exactly where i am. this is where i find rest in the moments when my heart wanders to what will be.

"the Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights." Habakkuk 3:19

ps i got to see this lady last weekend and it was incredible. she needs to make like a bird and head south.

some things change

It is absolutely incredible to look back over the past year and see how drastically different life looks. Some changes were good. Some changes broke my heart. Some changes made me stronger. Some I still don't understand and may never will. But, I can always find comfort in the fact that whatever the change, I know His greater plan is being fulfilled and all these things will work for the good of those who love Him.

I haven't posted in a while, as my sister notified me yesterday so here is an update on my changes:

a. i have a big girl job

2. i am slowly becoming fluent in Spanglish

d. i won the Christmas door decorating contest at work - yes, my door was phenomenal

5. i found out that i am going to get my lactation certification in February (i was randomly picked as one of the dietitians to attend) I can only contribute this to the Lord. Obviously, he thinks I would be the bomb at teaching women to breastfeed. :)

8. one of my bestest friends, lacey, moved out and went home to NC

e. one of my bestest friends, elizabeth, moved in her place

b. i have taken up crocheting and i might not be too terrible at it

4. i have the most awesomest friends and family ever but maybe you already knew that

c. i love Jesus more today than I did yesterday

I think that just about covers it for big changes. No marriage. No babies. No moving. Just sitting back and watching the world change around me and attempting to stay faithful to the changes the Lord has for me. 

Panty hose optional?

September was a loooonnggg month where I really couldn't find joy in much. That doesn't mean that it wasn't there. My eyes were just closed to it. October has been good for my restless heart. He is so faithful to provide in our dark hours-people, prayer, hope. So, that is my summary for not writing for the past month and a half. :)

However, much has happened over the past month. One huge thing was that I died. Okay, I didn't really die but it felt like it. I left my job as a hostess, and I never knew how much people loved me until I was leaving. Sometimes they wouldn't let me go to the bathroom. They always enjoyed food from the kitchen while I stood at the front usually starving. Occasionally, they forgot to let me go to lunch. Overall, I really wasn't sure they cared too much about me at all until the week I was leaving. I thought to myself, "Is this what it is like when people die?" They told me that they were going to miss me so much and that I was the best hostess they ever had (big hairy deal...I know). Leaving is bitter sweet. I will miss the people, but definitely not the hostessing.

The best news is that I started my new job yesterday, and I L-O-V-E it. I have never experienced such a positive work atmosphere that truly cared about their employees. I have my own office with a door AND a lucite door box-for those of you who are confused:

I thank my internship director for teaching me the correct term.

I get to help people all day long. I get an hour for lunch. I get holidays off....all of them. I have an amazing supervisor. I can leave early any day I want as long as I flex my time on other days. But most importantly: 

Can you read that?? Yes, that says "hose are optional."

I have been wearing those puppies for one year and three months now, and I hate them so much! No more panty hose for me! You might be thinking, "Lauren, what are you going to do with all of your old pairs?" Well I have some ideas: make those pets that my Gran use to make using knee highs and googly  eyes, use them as katie and I use to when we wanted to act like robbers and smoosh our faces, sift flour?, strain just about anything....I feel like the possibilities are endless. So, if you were looking to hook me up with some panty hose for Christmas, Mom, maybe you should try underwear instead? 

My very simple joy: no more panty hose. oh and maybe my eyes being opened again. :)

Cupcake and Marriage

When I go into work, I park in a parking garage and walk a couple of blocks to get to the hotel. On my walk, I feel like the same things happen to me every morning. I speed walk across the middle of the streets paying no attention to the nearby crosswalks. I walk over a vent that blows my hair and my skirt up...I still haven't learned. I admire the large painted mural on the side of a building. AND I say hello to two of my precious homeless friends. Usually, I just get a "Good morning sweetheart, how are you?" but today was exceptionally sweet!

Today as I walked past my friend who is sitting on the same bench every morning and every afternoon with his backpack and sleeping bag covered in bird droppings from the trees he is sitting under, he greets me with, "Good morning cupcake, hope you have a good day!" I smiled ear to ear from the time he said that all the way into work. It is weird how simple words can make your day. He called me cupcake! For the past two months I have worked there, he has never called me cupcake!

Then, as I was leaving work today, I passed my other homeless friend, who harassed me for days last month until I  brought him some cheerios and milk. He came walking up to me and followed me halfway to the parking deck trying to convince me to marry him. He made me give him one good reason why I wouldn't marry him. My answer: "Because I don't want to get married." Good answer...I know. He finally turned around after he asked, "Well, can we at least be friends?" I said, "Absolutely." His response was to that, "Okay sweetheart, see you tomorrow morning."

Some tell me to be careful. Some tell me not to talk to them. Some tell me not to give them breakfast. But at the end of the day, these are the people that truly know how to brighten my day. How can I ignore them? I can't.

My simple joy for the day: being loved and cared for by homeless strangers. 

Napping

I am finally no longer a student and I am not quite sure what to do with myself. The list is limitless....

sewing, reading, spending time with people I love,

watching movies, knitting, crafting, running,

playing ultimate frisbee, spending more time with the Lord,

going for walks, cleaning my house, cooking, and let's not forget

NAPPING!

So this picture is from high school....just wanted you to get a visual of me sleeping. :)

Today was the first time in what feels like nearly five years that I took a nap and didn't wake up with my heart racing. I was never able to take naps because every time I did I would wake up with an anxiety that I needed to be somewhere, needed to do something, or that I just didn't deserve a nap. That might seem silly, but it happened to me a lot. I was told that this was a sign of anxiety and obviously it wasn't natural. I would just never give myself grace or cut myself a break. Do you know the saying, "I'm my own worst enemy?" Well, I really am.

I am excited about what this new life looks like for me. More naps. Less anxiety. And more grace for myself.

My simple joy for the day: a nap free from worry.