the joy in being small

what I love most about the seasons is that they change, but my favorite season is the one that is beginning. i love the way it smells. i love the hwb's, which stands for "hot winter beverages" in my house. i love the colors. i love crocheting. i love the way the breeze can sometimes take your breath away. i love anything related to pumpkin. i love getting to wear layers. and i love good hammocking weather. come on, what's not to love about fall?

for some reason with the changes in season, my mind (or satan) likes to play tricks on me. i remember that i am entering another season alone. i remember that i have no children to care for. i remember that i won't be graduating with any new degree or specialty. i remember that i will be at the same job during this season. all of these things make my heartache and invoke envy that everyone around me is changing, as the seasons do, but i remain at a stand still.

as these thoughts encroached, i began to doubt the promises of the Lord for His children. he surely has forgotten me. no husband. no children. really? at 24, i am practically a grandma. for a good two days, i had convinced myself that maybe this thing isn't worth it. maybe i can marry a wonderful unbeliever who would make me very happy in this life and forget this whole God thing. yep, i though it and believed it for a few days. and then i remembered...

i remembered what and how the Lord has changed and shaped me. i remembered that my Father knows what is best for me. i remembered that He finds joy in loving me even when i think that He isn't sufficient. i remembered that this life is so much bigger than me. i remembered the pain of my brothers and sisters in comparison to my finite complaints. i remembered that i wasn't created for the purpose of marriage or bearing children. i was created in His image to be loved and to love. when i remembered the big story, the story that makes me seem so small, i am overcome with joy. i can laugh aloud at myself for my silliness in ever thinking that He is not enough. i can smile that He is so much sweeter than all this life can bring. i exchange the lie for the truth and peace flows in abundantly. 

so as the seasons change again and i remain the same, i rest in the amazing promise that my life will fulfill a greater purpose than i will ever know...

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

and if all else fails, i could always be a cat lady... who wears cut-offs. :)